


Patronized Like Bunny Rabbits

by CorruptedSam



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abuse, Anxiety Disorder, Anxiety Tic, Bipolar Disorder, Blood, Borderline Personality Disorder, Car Accidents, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders has Intrusive Thoughts, Depression, Eating Disorders, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Flashbacks, Genderfluid Character, Homophobia, M/M, Mental Institutions, Near Death Experiences, Non-binary character, References to Drugs, References to Sex, Romantic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Romantic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Romantic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders kinda, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Tourette's Syndrome, Transphobia, Triggers, schizoid - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:09:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28968825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CorruptedSam/pseuds/CorruptedSam
Summary: Humanized AUJanus, Virgil, Patton, Roman, Remus, and Logan have all been emitted to a Psych Ward all being mentally unstable. They all have their problems, but that's what makes them close; okay, maybe not all of them are close in the beginning but it will get better. Join them on their journey through the worst place on the planet.Please read the tags! (There are multiple trigger warning-y things in this story!)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	1. \\Information//

Janus:

  *     * Curly brown hair
    * Heterochromia eyes
    * Scars all over half of his body
    * Suffers with severe depression
    * Schizophrenic
    * Gender-Fluid
    * Pansexual
    * Trust Issues
    * Emitted after a sucide attempt
    * Has an E.D.
    * ~~(Currently being abused)~~



Virgil:

    * Straight brown hair that fades into purple
    * Severe Social Anxiety
    * Agoraphobic
    * (They consider G.A.D)
    * “Cat scratches”
    * Suffers from clinical depression
    * Has an E.D.
    * Gay
    * Emitted after parents called the cops on him/suicide attempt(For his “safety”)



  *     * _Past abuse_



Remus:

  *     *       * Unbrushed faded color hair
      * Bipolar
      * Suffers with Intrusive Thoughts
      * “Cat scratches”
      * Depression
      * Queer
      * Non-Binary
      * Emitted after trying to commit to his intrusive thoughts for the 5th time
      * Impulsive



Patton:

  *     *       * Curly/Wavy/Straight brown hair
      * Depression
      * Anxiety
      * Physiatrist suggested it would be best to be emitted
      * Burn marks
      * Unhealthy coping mechanisms
      * Pansexual
      * Acts childish to help cope



  *     * _Past abuse_



  
  


Logan:

  *     * Straight brown hair
    * Tourettes
    * Impulsive(Not just because of tics)
    * SPD
    * Unhealthy coping mechanisms
    * Emitted after an ER evaluation
    * Claims to be aromantic & ace (Mostly because of SPD)
    * Neglected 



Roman:

  *     * Curly/Wavy Brown hair
    * BPD
    * Unhealthy coping mechanisms
    * Emitted after suicide attempt
    * Gay, very gay
    * Sometimes a perfect life out of everyone's, is the worst



Please note that this is not to create more stigma around anything included in this story. This is actually based on our story and I thought it would fit these characters. Writing is how I cope. ~~You can guess which one is me :)jk I'll probably spoil who I am~~ Do not let everyone's stories stop you, sure it can be a little agonizing but it's very helpful if therapy and having a psychiatrist isn't working if you or people around you think you are not safe where you are it might be a good time to try and get emitted. 


	2. An Anxious Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Virgil got emitted into the psych ward

Virgil was currently in the ambulance getting driven off to the Psych Ward. He told himself he wouldn’t go back, but here he was driving off to that hell-hole. “ _ You should’ve just kept your mouth shut _ .” Virgil scolded himself. What had led up to being sent to this place was an argument with his mother. Sure, they’ve gotten into fights before probably worse fights; but she had decided to take it personally and call in his father. Most of these fights had scared his little brother, Andy, but this was the first fight where he couldn’t stop crying out of fear that the hitting, the yelling, the forced child labor would come back. He never liked loud noises. But, his father decided to call the cops after Virgil shouted, “This is why I was going to kill myself again!” Virgil had previously attempted which led him to the Psych Ward but now he was going back.

_ “What? Why can’t I go to Elijah’s!?” Virgil growled as he stood at the backdoor. He wasn’t going to Elijah’s he was going to break out Roman and he was so close to booking it. Roman had recently been emitted to a Psych Ward due to a suicide attempt/ willingly let his brother try to kill him. Roman was his frenemy, more so friend, since childhood. Roman was just behind his own apartment. Virgil liked to make fun of him, hang out with him, argue with him, and just be dumb together. He wasn’t going to let him go through that alone. _

_ “Because I’m making lunch.” His mother spat at him while cooking fried rice.  _

_ “So!? I’m not gonna eat anything there, I’m not even hungry!” Virgil retorted. He didn’t have time for this. His mother looked back, her hand still on the wok and her other hand holding the wooden paddle also on the wok. Virgil stood his ground glaring back at her. “My answer is no.” Virgil stomped his foot, “Whatever! I’m going anyway.” _

_ “If you do, I’m going to call the cops!” She yelled looking back at the wok and using her hand to basically flip it. Virgil knew, if she called the cops they’d probably drug test him. And he couldn’t afford them to search his room. Virgil sighed, “Just let me go! He’s literally next door!” His mom sighed heavily. She turned off the fire and looked over at Andy. “Food’s ready.” Virgil glared at her. She’s always like this. Andy looked over, “Oh...Remember I made-...Made bacon and eggs, w-with toast.” Andy stumbled over his words scared of what she would say. _

_ She looked quite pissed but looked over at Virgil, “Come, you have to eat, there is no way I can finish this alone.” Virgil huffed crossing his arms. Like he was going to eat anyways, that has way too many calories for him. He heard his mother scoff. Virgil slowly looked at her. She had that expression he’s known to hate. Virgil gave a glance at his phone, Elijah texted him. ‘Where are you?’ Elijah had agreed to keep Virgil’s phone whilst he goes to save Roman. His mother had it so she knew wherever he went with his phone. “I give you a roof over your head and food yet you treat me like this?” Virgil choked out a laugh. “You are supposed to, that is the least you could do, you’re a parent!” _

_ “God! I hate you!” Virgil yelled at her before storming up to his room. He heard his mother make a sound between a scream and a grunt. He jumped onto his bed and unlocked his phone. ‘I can’t, Satan told me I can’t go.’ Virgil texted before sighing heavily and letting his arms fall. Just once would his mother just let him do what he wants without begging on his knees only to cry about it later. He heard a notification, ‘Why don’t you just...go?’ Virgil huffed. _

**_Virgil:_ ** _ ‘she said shell call the cops’ _

**_Elijah:_ ** _ ‘so’ _

**_Virgil:_ ** _ ‘i have my molly and pens in my room, i cant take that risk’  _

**_Elijah:_ ** _ ‘tru’ _

_ Virgil set down his phone and hit the bed. He just wanted to save his friend. Suddenly he heard heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. His mother. “Don’t stomp your way upstairs!” His mother complained. “Fuck off!” Virgil hissed. “Don’t cuss at me!” Virgil narrowed his eyes and flipped her off. “Give me your phone.” She motioned with her hand looking away in frustration. Virgil stuffed it down his bed. _

_ “My friend bought me it, it’s not yours.” Virgil growled and she looked pissed. "Give it to me! You don’t deserve it!” She took a step forward and Virgil stood up from his sitting down position. Sure he’d be agitated if she took his phone away  _ **_if_ ** _ she paid for it. But she didn’t, so she has no right taking it back. “And you don’t deserve my respect!” Virgil spat at her.  _

_ Her face was red and she looked like she was about to cry. “John!” She yelled, great bringing his father in on this. Yep, he’s actually going to jump out the window. “What?”  _

_ “He won’t give me his phone.” _

_ “Exactly!  _ **_His_ ** _ ,  _ **_HIS!_ ** _ It’s my phone!” Virgil glared, “You don’t go up to a person sitting down at a restaurant who paid for their food and say, ‘Give me your food’.” Virgil explained. His dad rolled his eyes, “Just give her the phone.” Virgil narrowed his eyes and sat back down on his bed. There is no reason to give it to her, she didn’t pay for it, she has no real reason to take it, he’s not doing it, no way José.  _

_ “Junior, now.” Virgil felt a weight on his chest. His dad was always scary when he was mad. But Virgil stood his ground. “No.” Virgil’s dad grabbed his arm. Virgil did try to pull away but it was like his hand was made out of iron and he couldn’t get away, Virgil started hyperventilating as silent tears ran down his face. “Where is your phone!?” His dad asked and ruined his whole room whilst dragging him around. Virgil kept trying to get away with no avail. One time when he was being dragged around he saw his little brother horrified about what was happening. Andy must’ve been thinking it was going to start again. “Virgil! Where is it!?” His dad slapped him across the face. All of this, for a stupid phone. _

_ Virgil’s dad's eyes widened, he tried to get better for his kids. After Virgil’s first attempt he realized how horrible he was. He watched his son be quiet for 10 seconds before his face crumbled like a piece of paper. “THIS IS WHY I GOING TO KILL MYSELF!” Virgil yelled, falling to his knees as his dad let go of his arm; tears falling down his face like Niagara falls and he couldn’t stop it. No matter how big he built the dam, how much more materials he used it kept crashing. His dad looked pissed and stormed out of his room walking downstairs his mother following him in a panic. Virgil got himself off the floor still bawling his eyes out and threw himself back onto his bed, his arm red and muscle aching. Once Virgil’s sobs toned down he could hear his dad on the phone. _

_ He was calling the cops. _

  
  


“Okay, we’re here.” He heard someone say, already? Damn, he must’ve zoned out for a while then. He was pushed out of the ambulance without much care. Virgil looked up and saw the Psych Ward, but in his eyes, it was more like a prison to him. “Come on now,” The driver said, giving him a nudge. It was as if he was saying, “ _ Get your mentally unstable ass in there _ ” Virgil grumbled and begrudgingly went inside with his parents following him. Last time he didn’t walk in by himself his parents dragged him in whilst he was screaming and crying. Let’s just say it was quite embarrassing for him when he was forcefully put into his unit. None of the other kids cared, they were used to it, but there were a few kids who did bully him for it. 

Virgil sat down in the waiting room as his parents talked to the nurse. One of the other nurses looked over at Virgil, who must be a new nurse since he didn’t recognize her. Suddenly she started walking towards him. Virgil’s mind started to race, he knew he looked like he had been on a trip, he did a while back but we don’t talk about that, but he didn’t think it was worthy of coming over to him. But he decided not to stare at her and hope she was just going over to his parents. She cleared her throat before saying, “You need to take out your strings.”

Right, he forgot. “Oh…” Virgil in his mind wanted to punch her face, this was his favorite hoodie. The hoodie he wore for years, and now he had to ruin it, great. Virgil took off his hoodie leaving his arms exposed which he could feel eyes burned on his cuts. Virgil quickly took the strings out and swiftly put the hoodie on so it was hiding his cuts. “Hm, I need to check your bag.” Virgil was a bit baffled. Virgil didn’t get to pack all the way because, well, he lived quite close to the police so he was only allowed to pack 4 clothes. Why? Because he was too frustrated to pack until the very end. “Oh, I’ve already been here, all my stri-” 

“Uh huh, just give it to me.” Virgil narrowed his eyes. He slowly handed her his bag. She went through it to find the sweatpants didn’t have strings, his clothes didn’t have them either. She smiled fakely towards him and threw it back to him. Virgil’s parents were done talking to the nurse and turned back to him. “We’ll pick you up when you’re feeling better.” His mother uttered coldly. Virgil sat there and waited for a nurse to escort him to his unit. He was about to run away but could feel one of the staff’s eyes burning a hole in his head. 

Suddenly one of the workers walked up to him. “Jackie, one of the daytime nurses,” She introduced herself, she looked like country folk but was addicted to drugs for a few years with many tattoos. But, Jackie? He doesn’t remember Jackie. Whatever, it’s not like they can’t get new people. Virgil muttered something before walking with her.

Virgil slowly walked down the halls hearing screaming and other horrific shit, it was the norm here. Sometimes there would be quiet moments but sooner or later a fight would break out. Virgil sighed the smell of their okay food, the water from the pool, and people were just everywhere and it was sickening. Virgil finally made it to his unit and dropped off his bag, he didn’t know who his roommate was since everyone was out and about going on with their schedule.

Looks like he’ll just have to find out.

*

“Oh hey! Virgil, it’s only been 2 months, you’re back?” One of his psych ward buddies was apparently still here. Virgil chuckled and shrugged. While he might not like talking to people in general, there were times where he met some great people that understood him, especially in this place where they were all “broken” in some way. “Just couldn’t keep yourself out of trouble could you,” They joked Virgil chuckled again before walking over to an available seat next to a kid who was making origami flowers despite not having scissors. 

“Virgil!?” He heard someone shout. Not a doubt in his mind, it was Roman. Virgil turned around, “Dude, you were supposed to break me out, not get trapped here too.” Jackie who was supposed to be supervising the conversation turned a blind eye. There are some nurses who don’t give one shit about what’s happening, they just want to get paid. They’ll stop you from doing something  _ too _ dangerous. “Well, Queen of Bitches brought the King of the Underworld into our fight,” Virgil explained, waving his hand in annoyance.

“Did I hear King of the Underworld!?” Remus came sprinting in. 

“Oh you’re here too.” Virgil sighed fondly. Remus and Virgil’s relationship is rocky. They are more enemies than friends. Due to Remus’ mental illness they can lash out and be unpredictable, and that doesn’t go well with Virgil’s very high anxiety. “Well all of us are here including this rascal.” Roman countered disheveling the guy's hair next to Virgil. Virgil was confused and looked over. The asshole who tortured him at his last stay. Virgil scoffed as if he had said something rude. “This bastard? What’s he got to do with you?” Roman and Remus stiffened. Janus seemed to flinch at his words but he continued to make his flowers out of paper with his eyes glossy. 

Roman and Remus pulled him over to the corner near the TV drawing some nurses' attention but they ignored that; one of the nurses had to chase Amelia because she had stolen a pencil. “Look, I know what happened...Uh” Roman scratched the back of his neck. He knew Janus was quite abrasive towards Virgil in the time they were in the psych ward. “..But, he’s our little brother we don’t need you going too hard on him, okay?” Janus was only 6 months younger than the twins but it’s still long enough for them to think he’s their little brother. Despite that, Virgil’s eyes were blown wide. He pointed at the scared boy in confusion. Almost asking ‘ _ Him _ ’ the others nodded. “Bio-”

“Not biologically...I’m not sure if…” Remus looked back. “...If he’d be fine with us explaining it.” Virgil sighed through his nose. If Remus was being sympathetic in any way it must be important to them. And maybe even important enough to do what they say. “Okay, but don’t expect us to be all buddy-buddy, okay?” The others nodded with a huge smile that can only be described as a smile that went ear to ear. That was a pretty good response, Virgil is usually  _ very _ stubborn and can hold grudges. He still holds a grudge from Roman accidentally falling onto Virgil on a tree causing Virgil to fall when they were six.

“Also- if he’s your brother, why don’t I ever see him?”

The siblings took a sharp breath and looked at each other nervously; exactly in sync. “It’s not our place to speak, okay?” Virgil didn’t like the vague answer, it unsettled him. But he agreed, he had a panic attack and flashbacks when he was forced to tell his therapist how and what happened during his suicide attempt.

Two other people sat next to Janus but Virgil’s spot was still there. Virgil sat down next to Janus and watched him make his flowers. “Why are you staring at me?” Janus asked. At first Virgil thought Janus was asking him, but Janus looked towards the other side of him where there was nobody there. Virgil’s slumped posture but the sigh caused him to quickly correct his posture. Remus walked over and whispered something to Janus and he looked confused. Janus shook his head and tried to touch whatever was there and he almost fell. “Woah..” Janus muttered to himself still not over the feeling of falling.    
  


Virgil went back to doing his thing which was just rolling a marker back ‘n’ forth before a nurse came up to him and gave him something to do.


	3. Twin Delivery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins' emission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, none of us know how “Remus'' didn't get sent to prison but they’re pretty sure it’s because the police and “Roman & Remus’ ” dad thought it was going to be a double suicide or some shit. Anyways let’s continue.

“Patton what’cha doin’?” Roman asked, sitting next to him. Patton seemed to be drawing something, yes, maybe his art wasn’t picasso but it was something special. Patton smiled, “A drawing for Janus.” Roman’s eyes widened at the comment. He knew Janus talked to Patton but he didn’t know they were close enough for Patton to draw him a drawing. The first day Roman was emitted he noticed Patton sitting on his stomach and doodling. 

_“God, I’m stuck in this place, with my siblings of all people,” Roman huffed. Yes, he loved his siblings, but like all siblings, they fought. Sometimes caring for his younger brother was a little insufferable. But, it’s not like they get to hang out a lot. Janus is usually locked in his room. But Remus, oh do they contradict. Having Remus and Roman in the same place for 24 hours turns irksome for the participants and any bystanders. Sure they can be nice to each other and have a great time but an hour or so into the great conversation turns very sour._

_They were all in the common room just waiting. Somehow the psych ward had enough rooms to let the brothers in the same place. Janus had already been emitted a few weeks piroir due to his most recent attempt. But Roman was a little at ease knowing he could keep his family safe. It worried him when he heard scattering in Janus’s bedroom which he wasn’t allowed in or even in close proximity. It wasn’t Janus’ rules, it was his father's. Nonetheless, he was stuck here. He didn’t belong here. He belonged to be in the afterlife where he’d be happy. Being able to still live through life with his close friends but never suffer the consequences. Only if his father didn’t walk in on Remus and Roman with a knife and seeing Roman’s scars._

_“C’mon don’t be such a pussy I’m sure it won’t hurt, much,” Remus shrugged holding the knife. Roman shook his head at that. He never had a high pain tolerance, yet he was still very reckless. He never liked the thought of intentionally harming himself before he actually did. It was addicting to say the least, and he understood why a lot of people did it. He only stopped because he was becoming too apathetic to do anything. “But what if it does!?” Remus groaned and face-palmed they were still holding the knife in that hand. Remus just wanted to stop the thoughts, the only way was giving them what they wanted? If you step on a bump on a carpet it should disappear, right? “It won’t, even if it does you’ll die afterwards!” Roman shook his head with a laugh._

_“You don’t know that.” Remus mocked him. “Look, you wanna do it or not?” They heard footsteps, but assumed it was Janus’ nervous pacing. Roman took a deep breath and nodded. But their door suddenly opened. “What they fuck are you two doing!?” Remus smiled mischievously and shrugged dropping the knife. Roman stood there paled; he couldn’t move. He didn’t think his dad was home. His dad walked in grabbing the knife before taking out his phone and walking down the hall. Remus sighed jumping back on their bed. “Is this the day I go to juvie?” Roman snorted although there was still a heavy weight on both their shoulders. “I think you’d be sent to prison ya’ dingus.”_

_“Do you think we’ll see Jay?” Remus asked. Remus was the one who convinced Roman to help beg their father to let him stay. Roman was hesitant at first. But to this day he is so glad he said yes. He has an awesome little brother. “Maybe, it depends, Virge says it’s unlikely.” Remus looked at him quickly. Confused was written all over their face. “What does Raccoon have…” Remus trailed off and realization hit them like a brick to the face. Their eyes widened and he slowly looked at him. “You were going to do it by yourself!” Remus looked away. Roman did, he was expecting it to backfire because he doubted that he'd be able to actually do it deep enough. He asked Virgil if he thought if he ever did happen to get sent to a psych ward would he be with his brother. He didn’t specify so Virgil probably thought he meant Remus._

_There were sirens all of the sudden. Great._

_“Yo’ that whole shit was annoying.” Remus hissed. One of the nurses told him off for cursing again. They threatened to push her eyes back into her sockets. She glared at them. “Freak..” And walked off. Remus rolled their eyes. “Yeah, it was, they ruined most of my outfits.” Roman complained. Remus blew a raspberry. Soon his irritated expression turned into a mischievous smirk. “At least I snuck in my vape.” Remus whispered. Their smile was huge and it was unnerving. Roman rolled his eyes. He always stayed away from that stuff. It would ruin his figure. And he already hates himself too much for that to happen. “Welp I’ll see you later brother!” Remus waved. They were put in separate units because one, they didn’t have enough room to have them in the same unit, and two, they didn’t want them into the same unit anyways. He put his shit on the open bed and started unpacking just a bit. He totally forgot he saw someone else here and looked over. There was a boy with brown hair and drawing it was nice. Before he could say something one of the nurses came and told him it was group._

_Roman and Remus found each other and all the other kids going to group. They both rolled their eyes at this. It was so dumb. Just talking about our individual things as a group or talking about unhealthy coping mechanisms is ludicrous. But they both saw someone at the exact same time._

_Janus._

  
  


“Hey JanJan?” He looked up. Patton was holding out a paper for him. Janus smiled softly before taking it. Roman looked over, Remus was talking to Logan. This was their friend group. And he was happy with it. Sure all of them are a little broken but they can fix themselves together. “Do you want me to draw you something?” Roman smiled a little. He nodded, Patton seemed happy just drawing in general. He was a people pleaser to say the least. But he was happy with that. Seeing others happy made him happy. Roman was happy Patton was his roommate. 

*

_Remus was pissed. They didn’t want to be in this, this! Prison! Talking about feelings and just being depressed is disgusting. What’s so wrong with just letting them stab shit. Luckily they’re smart enough to not give anyone pencils or pens. But they were dumb enough to not watch them with the spoons. I.e they tried to shove a spoon both down his throat and another teens. His friends just watched, just wanting to see how it would go down. This was the first day._

_Remus was sitting in the car. They hated it. He didn’t do anything wrong. They aren't broken, their dad says this is normal behaviour for a kid. So why is he being treated so different? Sure they had malicious intentions but he rarely acted on them. They had been bottling up for years, rarely being acted on. Only towards themself. They still has the scars for it. Deep cuts that leave big scars on his arms, legs, back, everywhere. Just to stop the voices in his head. Day and night they wouldn’t stop. Nagging them to grab the knife and stab their father. Stick their brother's head into the sink and wait for him to stop squirming. “Accidentally” push their friend into the oven while they were grabbing the cookies. Trap one of his friends in a box with no air holes. To leave one of their friends in the water who can’t swim. Or even jumping out the window, which they had tried but their father grabbed their leather jacket when they had their torso out. Closing someone’s or heir own hand in the drawer with knives and holding it shut as they struggle to get their hand out of it until they inevitably poke or cut themselves on one of the knives. Just anything! And they hated that they loved the thoughts. They had soon opened it up to their brother. One night, when they were both awake. The doctors had assumed Remus had insomnia, but they didn’t tell his doctor about the voices. But they kept them up._

_“I have voices...Just yelling at him to throw you out the window…” Roman looked at him like he was insane. Were they?_

_  
_ _Remus turned to the side. Looking away from the others’ bed. They heard Roman take a deep breath but it was shaky. They loved that for some sadistic reason. Not Roman, just the nervousness in his voice. “That’s new…” Remus shuffled a bit, quite uncomfortable. That was a first. “Not the only thought I have…. But let’s just go to bed, aight?” Remus heard Roman’s bed creak. And blankets shuffling. Was he running to go tell his dad? He felt something at the side of his bed. “Deadass? Because I’m worried...You tried to jump out of our car window.” Remus nodded slowly. But soon laughed, dry. There was no humor, it was just to hide their sorrow for letting Roman worry like this. They cared about his family even if they can be annoying, harmful, or whatever. “Let’s just go to bed.” Remus muttered, hiding their face in his blankets. Suddenly there was a weight on them. Roman was hugging them. Remus sighed. Roman was never one to hug someone, he was too good for that. So this was special._

_And that’s exactly what they heard when they reached the psych ward. Someone must be freaking out. The siblings basically watched their shit get destroyed as the nurses went through it. Remus was smart and well, they had already hidden their vape in his brush. Remus somehow got the top off of their weird brush and hid his vape so his dad would never know. But other than that they didn’t care. They had walked back to heir unit to meet someone they'd never seen before, surprising, they know. “I’m Remus!” HTheye blurted out smiling widely. The man looked up. “Logan.” Remus tilted their head all the way where their body was basically twisted. “Your glasses are weird.” They got a hum in response. Oh great, is this how it’s going to go? He’s SO boring. Remus needs people to talk to, fear, or sadness, happiness! Anything! “Logan, Remus, group.” One of the nurses popped his head in._

_It was lunch and they were only given plastic spoons. No knives, no forks, no sporks, because they were “too dangerous”. Mind you, anything is dangerous if you put your mind to it. Remus stared at his spoon for a while. Then through racing thought slowly shoved it down their throat. They stopped halfway after seeing a nurse too close by. But they soon couldn’t hold back after a kid pushed them. HTheye tried, more or less successfully, shoved the spoon down the kid's throat. Well, that was before the nurses broke it up. “Come on, we’re going to the quiet room.” Remus blew a raspberry at the nurse before punching her in the gut and running around. Soon to be caught. That didn’t stop them from fighting back of course. And didn’t stop them from squirming around when the nurses tried to booty juice him._

“So what do you do?” Remus asked Logan. Logan shrugged and continued reading his book. Remus tilted their head in confusion. “Do you hang out with friends?” Logan shook his head looking up from his book. Remus didn’t feel comfortable, he looked annoyed. “I don’t have friends.” Remus’s eyes widened. No friends!? Logan’s head twitched a bit. He has to have at least one. There has to be someone who wants to hang out with him, even if they’ve never talked. Remus shook their head from the thoughts. “I’ll be your friend then!” Remus smiled widely. Enthusiastic. “Cool.” Logan deadpanned. After that dry response, he clicked his tongue and hit his head. Not bothered by it at all. Remus was so confused. “What?” Logan closed his book and sighed. “I have Tourettes.” Remus made a noise of confirmation. They've heard about that before. But that means Logan is unpredictable, they likes that.

“Whatever! We’re going to be the best of friends I know it!” Remus’s jacked up teeth showing with their smile. Logan just nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: ahhh i was so sleep-deprived i hadn't noticed i used the wrong pronouns D:  
> I'm fixing it now :,)  
> please forgive me D:


	4. Silly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton's emission.  
> There is a very breif mention of rape, self-harm, and blood, and many other things lol.  
> This one is shorter than the others, sorry D:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Patton” is scared to give too much information. And we just have to respect that, okay? :)  
> Especially since this was a private appointment. But he didn’t want to not give any kind of info because he loves us so he gave as much as he could. (We didn't force him we even empasised him that he didn't have to D:)

Patton liked drawing. It kept him happy and kept his mind from straying to his past. Not like he remembered most of it. There’s a lot of gaps in his memory, but fragments of his trauma are still there. And drawing is how he shows he cares for someone when he’s too scared to make contact. It would send a shock into his body and he would freak out. So he avoided it.

“Hi, Patton, welcome back,” He reached his hand out. Patton stared at him awkwardly. He slowly reached out and took his hand. Patton immediately regretted it and pulled back. His psychiatrist looked at him and then wrote something down. Great, that makes him feel so much better. He had been here previously but nothing too big happened. But when he told his mother that he was having suicidal thoughts. So this wasn’t going to go well. He could feel the anxiety building up. It felt like a weight on his chest. And just thinking about talking about what happened to make him feel this way wasn’t helping. His mother sat next to him which made it even worse somehow.

“So you're his mother, correct?” She nodded. Patton started fiddling with the bottom of his shirt. It felt like hours his mother kept asking him questions before he said, “Can you wait outside while I talk to Patton?” She walked out. Waved to her son and closed the door. The psychiatrist watched Patton’s nervous fidgeting for a while. Trying to make eye-contact with the patient. Patton really regretted telling anyone anything. “So, how’s life at home?” Patton shrugged. He stared at him a bit. “Can you explain?” Patton took a deep breath. “It’s okay at my mom’s and dad’s.” The psychiatrist nodded. “Are your parent's divorce?”

Patton nodded. Again, he wrote something down. “Do you have any siblings?” Patton shook his head.

“So, back to your suicidal tendencies.” Patton nodded and shifted his body. “If I gave you a gun right now, what would you do?” Patton's eyes flickered to him and back towards the bookshelf. Patton could feel his heart beating out of his chest. “I would probably take it and put it to my head…” Patton muttered. His psychiatrist tapped the pen on his clipboard. “And?” Patton wanted this to stop. He wanted to run out. He wanted to jump out the window. “Probably pull the trigger…” His psychiatrist raised a brow. “Probably?”

“Would.” Patton corrected himself. His throat felt dry. Everything was a blur after that. More personal questions, having to explain what happened the day he was raped, more anxious tapping, more awkward silence until his mother came back. Then, through his hazy thoughts, heard, “I think in this state, it would be best if were emitted to a psych ward, I cannot emit himself,”

For weeks his parents called psych wards, rather they didn’t have enough beds or they didn’t have the right insurance. But soon when they were checking in again, they had some open beds again. Patton wasn’t too thrilled. Being with a bunch of people who could hurt him, or are mentally unstable makes his skin crawl. But it was too late and he was in the car. Wanting to throw up. He couldn’t tell if it was because of his terrible motion sickness or if it was because of the thought of spending 2 weeks or more at that terrible place.

The first day was okay, just getting used to a weird schedule. Like, 9:30 for a bedtime!? They should know everyone who ends up here goes to bed at 12:00 or later. Or don’t sleep because of thoughts. Also, he hated needles. So much. And when they had to draw his blood, he screamed and cried. Quite embarrassing but his roommate didn’t care. He also wasn’t too fond of one of the nurses coming into his room and shining a light in his face.

“Do you like Prince Charming?” Patton asked Roman while thinking of what to draw. He looked up because he heard nothing. And Roman’s eyes were lit up and a huge grin plastered on his face. “Yes! I like to think of myself as one.” Patton smiled. He liked to imagine things too, things so he can escape reality. So he could be carefree like when he was a child. It was amazing. But the harsh realization of how it isn’t easy to look at the bright side of things, that the world isn’t all sunshine, rainbows, and lollipops hit him pretty hard at the age of 8.

Maybe drawing Roman as a Prince would be good for both of them. Letting his own imagination run free and Roman gets to be the prince. If Patton is still awake with Roman during lights out maybe they talk, well quietly. “Okay, guys, it’s time for lunch.” Patton didn’t seem too happy about that. He wanted to finish this drawing. Because Roman and him would understand each other. Against what his brain told him to do, he took some markers and put them into his jacket. He could finish this drawing during lights out. But now, he had to eat the okay food they had. He didn’t want to go through another one on one therapy because he didn’t eat all his food.


	5. Dork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan's emission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i let "Logan" write his version so I don't make it weird lol  
> so if the writing is different that's probably why  
> also sorry I missed a day my brain has been fried

Jesus, Remus was insufferable. But he liked that, to an extent.

He had never met someone so, flamboyant. He had little to say to the person with many colors in his faded, forced brushed hair. Logan remembered when nurses basically had to force them to brush their hair. You weren’t allowed outside your unit unless you were dressed appropriately. Sometimes it was absolutely preposterous what Remus would do. But, not like he really had anything to say about it.

_ Logan liked doing things by himself. He never did well in group projects. His partner(s) would always get frustrated because he kept to himself and seemed dismissive of everything. He didn’t know why, he thought it was normal. His parents and teachers just thought he was shy. When the doctors told him he had S.P.D or Schizoid, it didn’t make it better. Still the range of emotions he had were very little but there was something else that he could never put his finger on. His parents became more neglectful and abusive. They would start getting mad at him or taking things away from him because he didn’t express his emotions. Somedays, he didn’t get food. He didn’t really know how to express them. So he dealt with it. This was normal for families.And then his brother was born, Emile. They had a “normal” child now. Basically a decade later, he was even more neglected.They only started paying attention to him once he started acting “unpredictable”. At first they thought he was trying to be rebellious, trying to be annoying, so he was punished. But, one day he had hurt himself really bad. His cheek was bleeding profusely. His parents had to take him to the ER. _

_ When they arrived it seemed what he had started to do was getting worse. He’d punch himself on impulsive, kick things, usually metal, bite on his hand. The doctors looked at him for a while as one of the nurses patched him up and tried to keep him still. Logan looked up and the doctor(s) put up a clipboard so he couldn’t read his lips. Which was a little annoying but it didn’t matter they’d have to say it eventually. It seemed like whatever was happening was getting worse. (Now we look back at it, even if Logan has Schizoid it might’ve been a stressful event triggering the tics.) “So, on the records it does say he has been diagnosed with S.P.D,” He flipped through the papers for some odd reason. Logan swore he saw Schizoid on the front page.(He never shuts up about that lmao) Logan wasn’t too interested in having to hear the things that come with S.P.D again but someone that caught his attention was, “your son also seems to have Tourette's Syndrome.”  _

_ Oh, he knows that. He always prided himself on knowing a lot about mental illness’ because he suffers from one, well two.  _

_ “Does wanting to stab my hand have to do with Tourettes?” Logan asked bluntly. The doctors stared at him for a while. “No…” Logan shrugged it off but the doctors didn’t seem too laid back. They pushed the rest of his family out so they could do an evaluation. Logan wasn’t depressed, he never has been. He more so didn’t like his life, he saw all the others being so interested in things, or laughing with their friends until they cried, but it was hard for him to do that. It was hard for him to show how he cared. Especially since his range of emotions weren’t very big. Nothing interested him for very long, and if he was honest he never really liked having friends. But the back of his mind, he did want them. It was like war. He wanted a new life so he could be like everyone else.  _

_ They soon came to the conclusion they didn’t think he was safe in his own house. So they emitted him to a psych ward. It would take a few days for a bed to open but he would get into one. So they waited. He packed everything he needed. His brother said how much he loved him and how he would miss him. It would only be for 2 to 3 weeks it wouldn’t be that long, his brother was just being emotional.  _

  
  


_ Logan felt really out of place when he arrived, it was nighttime because of how they said it was urgent. It would also help keep an eye on him with his torrutes and help him when things go too out of control. His roommate wasn’t too fond of his tics though. He had homicidal tendencies and he threatened to strangle Logan. He gave it no mind though. (Honestly a homicidal and a suicidal kid in the same unit is so fucking dumb. Like we ain’t gonna care if they kill us) After two days, the child got switched out and Remus appeared. Logan had flipped one of the nurses off because of the tics but she didn’t care, she knew what Logan had. _

_ There were a lot of moments where his tics would not just control speech or a single movement sometimes it made him run. And it was pretty weird. Just randomly, “Go!” And then start running. He would stop after 10 seconds but it was still odd. New tics were coming and going for him and it was a little freaky but he’s learning to deal with it. _

“Can you give me the tajin?” Janus asked his sibling. Remus just tossed it over and Janus glared at them. “Why?” He asked. Remus shrugged with a big smile. None of the food was amazing, but it certainly wasn’t school lunch level, it was a step above. Edible but still quite gross. Usually they’d get fruit roll-up and Janus just liked to put tajin on it, because it gave him all the calories he could eat for each break. Although he was trying to overcome his terrible eating habits. Which usually led to a lot of one on ones because he never finished his food. “You put tajin on it?” Virgil asked.  Janus nodded. “In my last in-paitent my old friend told me to try it.” 

Virgil looked a little grossed out. “Isn’t it spicy?” Logan interjected. “Yes and no, tajin is supposed to be sweet and spicy. But for a lot of people the spice isn’t apparent.” Virgil sighed. And rubbed his temples. “You could’ve just said no.” 

“And you could’ve just stopped the conversation there.” Before Virgil could retort anything back Roman interjected. “You both are dorks,” Virgil rolled his eyes. He wasn’t a nerd like Logan. He was actually not that good at math. Remus snorted at the comment. “Yeah, Logan is most definitely a dork. Ooo! Did you know dork means whale penis!?” Roman sighed. There they go again with their weird facts. Logan hit the table and yelled "Fuck!" Whilst accidently dropping his book before picking it up again. Patton was about to ask what that was clinging onto Roman’s arm. “Tic.” Logan replied.

“What are you guys talking about?” One of the nurses asked. They all looked up at him. “Nothing.” Of course from then on the conversation was supervised which none of them were too happy about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (i let them write something because they shoved me off the seat #stopjanusabuse(THAT WAS A JOKE LET ME CLARIFY THAT I MAKE JOKES LIKE ThAT DONT CALL THE PO LICE ON US))  
> aHa a big cowinkydink is that i had said dork means whale penis when i met "Logan" so that's why im Remus 8)
> 
> t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶y̶'̶r̶e̶ ̶b̶a̶s̶i̶c̶a̶l̶l̶y̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶e̶f̶i̶n̶i̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶r̶e̶m̶u̶s̶
> 
> Also, lemme tell you something, yes, the characters we are, are dating, so that does mean we are dating. BUT one, we weren't allowed to date in the psych ward. And TWO, if you did anyways you were bullied for it. Like middle school but 50x worse. So basically we all hid our feelings away. So later LAter in the story will the lovey-dovey shit start happening. That don't mean I won't write the stupid crush parts lmao
> 
> ALSO if you ever have fruit rollups and tajin you should totally try it. I mean I literally can't handle spice but it's not spicy, just don't put to much and spread it out before rolling it again or it will get explode in your mouth with tajin. (tajin isn't even spicy i just don't recommend putting a lot or it'll be bitter)


	6. Group

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have group, it's quite boring and condescending. 
> 
> ||Trigger Warning||   
> "Abandonment", car accident, panic attacks, abuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how am alive? idk  
> do i believe that this happened? no, and i lived through it. I don't know if i'm real or dead because of how insane my life has been. i'm basically going crazy.

  
  


“Ugh, group..” Virgil muttered. He absolutely loved group. It was such a weird thing. Talking with other people about shit we learn in health class? It’s dumb, they might as well be in health instead of this suprivsed palce. Where they’re all condescending. They all sat in a circle while Kyle started talking. “Let’s go around clockwise, say our name, favourite color, and why you're here.” Virgil rolled his eyes along with his friends. They did this every time and it was nothing special. “I’ll start.” They all were already tired of this. Nothing ever changes. “I’m Kyle, my favourite color is blue. And I’m here because I am one of the staff here.” 

There were about 5 people before the actual “group” was to start talking. “Thank you so much for sharing Casey! You’re so brave, and you,” Kyle said motioning towards Janus. Janus huffed and slumped over. Virgil was a little shocked, Janus seemed like a skittish person. Well he  _ was  _ a skittish person. “Name’s Janus, uh, black or yellow,” Janus crossed his arms. Kyle’s smile was fake and the whole friend group noticed. There was a second of silence, “And why are you here  _ Janus _ ?” Janus scoffed. He sighed noticing everyone's eyes were on him. “I tried to swallow my pills, what, do you think I won’t say?” Deceit snarled. It was times like these where he missed his piercings. He looked like a fucking 10 year old like this. He had piercings because it was the only thing he could control, his appearance. Despite the scars he couldn’t do anything but Remus always said they made him look like a badass. 

“No, but, I’m very-”   
  


“Shut it, I don’t want your cookie cutter praises.” 

Kyle narrowed his eyes. “Now, Janus, don’t be like that.” Janus glared back. The other kids were just waiting. They were used to this stuff, not usually Janus in particular. But, someone would always fight with Kyle. “What? Talking back to a condescending piece of shit?” Kyle stood up. Before he could say anything Janus continued. “You know, none of us want to be patronized like bunny rabbits?” Janus wasn’t new to  condescending attitudes his father would always do that. And he hated it.  _ So _ much. “Why keep us in here when you sure know as hell everyone here will continue what they’re doing in a blind rage. Rather that be malicious intents or suicidal tendencies,” Kyle took a deep breath. The others nodded. He was correct. A lot of the people who did leave ended up pulling the same stunt. “Candace?” Janus rolled his eyes. A nurse walked in. “Yes?” Great.

“Can you take Janus to the quiet room?”

“Oh, no! I hate that place.” Deceit rolled his eyes. Well, he did. But he wasn’t going to let them know that. As he was being dragged he rolled his eyes with a smirk towards his friends and they all chuckled. Kyle took a deep breath before that fake smile appeared again. “Okay, let’s continue.”

  
“Virgil, dark purple or purple, suicidal tendencies.”   
  
“Logan, I don’t have one but blue is satisfactory, self emission.”

“Patton, light blue! Oh- and...I guess self emission.”

“Remus, green for vomit, or poo depends if your unhealthy like me, but homicidal tendencies and trying to kill myself with my brother.”

“Roman, red  ~~ for the blood of my enemies ~~ and suicide attempt,” 

  
  


Kyle seemed happy and moved on with the next kid. He was a child. “Jaelynn, I like every color! I murdered my puppy and showed my mommy!” That kid was way too happy. Fucking scary, he seemed a little too proud. Patton was horrified, Logan slightly grimaced but other than that nothing too noteworthy, Virgil scooted away from the child, Remus' smile was ear to ear, and Roman switched spots with Remus. Well that’s that group ruined. The other kids finished and Kyle started speaking with his fake innocent voice. “So, let’s talk about coping mechanisms.” Again? “Can anyone name any unhealthy coping mechanism?” No one spoke up. “Virgil,” He stiffened, why him!? He has the worst luck in the world. “Uhm, sex,” Virgil shrugged. He didn’t want to talk about self-harm. Someone else could say that. 

~Time Skip Because Nobody Remembers Anything Else ‘Cause Kyle Is Boring and He Can Go Suck a Dick~

The others sat down and they soon saw a nurse dragging Janus. “Well, here comes Jay.” Remus and Roman were already ready to hear his complaints. When their father was at work all the siblings would hang out with each other. Sometimes in the morning after Janus was punished to an extreme extent he’d look like that, but in a worse condition. He looked pissed yet saddened in a way. Janus sat down. “So..” Janus glared at Virgil. “Don’t.” Virgil put his hands up in a mercy type way. Remus and Roman looked at each other. Janus really didn’t want the curry. He was never a fan of it.

“What happened?” Roman finally asked. Janus groaned. 

Janus moved his spoon on his plate for a while before sighing. “Nothing too notable, felt spiders, something tapped my head,” Janus shrugged. Roman and Remus seemed weird. Why would he seem so upset because of that. Roman took a sip of water while Remus was basically inhaling their curry. “and I saw my mother.” Roman choked on his water and Remus put down their curry looking down their eyes wide. That would do it. Logan, Patton, and Virgil just watched questions racing in their mind. Remus quickled hugged Janus putting their chin on top of his head and Janus didn’t move. “I’m so sorry,” Roman just patted Janus’s back, not wanting Remus to kill him. They wanted their time with Janus and that was that. “Don’t-” The nurses tried to break it up but Remus had it covered.

“If you even graze him, I will take your organs whilst you're alive, drag you outside, make a fire and make you watch me cook and eat them.” The nurse stepped back. She seemed new, and probably the first actual scary threat she’s gotten in her shift. “But you guys really shouldn’t-”

“I WILL DO IT.” Remus snarled holding Janus closer. Remus stared at her until she was gone. And then they let go of Janus. “Ugh, I’m sorry she had to ruin that.” Janus shrugged. He didn’t seem so affected by it then the twins thought he would. Roman took his turn hugging Janus before they all went back to talking about the weird shit.

~Another Time Skip Because I’m Lazy~

Virgil had to have a talk with one of his doctors about his prescription. Because Virgil didn’t trust them. He didn’t know if it was the right dose, the right type, etc. He took the pils in front of him because everyone else in their units he took their medicine at night was taking them. So he was late to get into his unit. When he walked in he noticed a familiar face. Janus. “Oh, hi..”  ~~ Not gonna lie, whenever I talk to people about my life they literally think it’s made up and I know it sounds like it came from a 7-year-old fanfiction :)  ~~ “Hi Virgil.” Janus was journingly. It was something you’d learn to do for a coping mechanism in this prison. Virgil sat down on his bed. He remembered when Janus was making flowers he had stolen a card deck. (Honestly your psych ward might be more supervised. All of our nurses gave 0 fucks and just wanted to get paid) “Do you wanna play trash?” Janus looked up from his journal. He thought about it for a second before throwing it to the side of his bed. “Sure.” They played for about 30 minutes, we didn’t have a clock in our room because they thought it would be too dangerous so I don’t really know how long we played, before a nurse came in and said, “Lights out.” 

Janus sighed and walked over back to his bed. Snuggling up in the not very warm, non-suffocating, blankets. Both Virgil and Janus missed their weighted blankets. “So,” Virgil whispered. Not like the nighttime nurses cared, they'd walk in tell them to shut up and walk back out. Janus hummed. “what was that about at dinner?” He heard Janus shuffle on the bed. “Mhm, just my hallucinations..” Virgil moved over to lay on his side. “Oh? What causes them?”

“I have schizophrenia ya’ dumb ass.” Virgil did feel like a dumbass. “But your mother?” Janus sighed. Janus flopped back down on his bed so he was staring at the ceiling. “Well…”   
  
_ Janus was six when it happened. His mother, and Zack, his step-father which he refused to call his father. They were arguing in the car. They were on the freeway near the mountains. Janus sighed and he leaned on the car window. They were on the house to, well, Zack’s house where he left his (Zack’s) sister to take care of the twins. Janus didn’t pay attention to what they were fighting about. It was probably about leaving the twins at his house instead of bringing them over to theirs. Janus doesn’t remember much from that day. They are on the “street” to the twins house. They didn’t live in the neighborhood; it was more so in the trees. But people knew they lived there. And then he remembered Zack hit his mother and she for a second was brought out of the world, his mother was abused as a child from what he remembers her telling him. So something must’ve sparked a nerve. But with that second she was gone everything went to hell. They flipped at least 2 times, blood, glass, everywhere. He can still remember the scraping noise of the metal. Once the car continued to slide he remembered jumping out of it because the car door had fallen off. He scraped his face for sure and took quite a tumble hitting his head on a fence.  _

_ Everything is black for a while in his memory but then he remembers finding Zack having blood all over his face and slowly getting his way out of the car still upside down. He was going to ask what happened to his mom. “It’s not safe on the road, go to the forest near the house.” Zack said pointing. Janus wanted to stay with him, stay with his mother. But Zack refused to let him near it. So Janus ran, and ran. And then he realized he didn’t remember where the house was. His mind was foggy and he couldn’t remember the route. He was lost. But Zack would come looking for him, right? Deceit sat on the roots of a tree just trying to think. Trying to remember the way home. But he couldn’t. He remembered many times when he saw that emo go to Roman and Remus’s house. But he was always in the house, he doesn’t know where he came from. And not like he could talk to him, he was locked away in his room. _

_ After a while the pain started to become more noticeable. It crept up his bones and it felt like his bones were melting and being resembled, it felt like his skin was sliding off leaving muscle out and the cold air made it worse. He noticed he was bleeding a lot and a lot of marks appeared when he looked over his body. A child should never ever feel this kind of pain. And it seemed nobody was coming to find him. He was lost, and he was going to die, cold and alone. _

_ (Roman and Remus told me 3 hours had passed before anything happened.) Janus was hearing voices. Not the voices in his head that would whisper things. Scream. It was voices he recognized. It was the twins. “Come on! I found a really big tree we could climb!  _ ~~_ That I totally want to push you off of _ ~~ _~~.~~ ” Remus’s voice. Roman’s voice came next, “Okay! Okay! Anything to get away from dad.” And then they stopped in their tracks. Suddenly tears formed in all the children's' eyes. Remus’s smile was wide and it’s a face that he’ll never forget. “Oh my god! Janus!” The twins jumped near him. They could tell he was injured and there was blood so they didn’t want to touch him or they would’ve tackled him by now. “D-Dad said you were dead!” Roman sobbed. Not gonna lie to this day Roman said as a kid he was happy that I was dead. Remus nodded wanting to hug him but noticed how much pain he seemed to be in. “C’mon!” Remus bawled, grabbing Janus by the wrist and dragging him to the house. Zack was surprised to see Janus back. “Dad! Dad! We have to take him to the hospital, with you!” Zack narrowed his eyes. “He doesn’t look that bad.” _

_ “Papa! Are you serious!?” Remus shrieked. “I mean yeah, I’m sure it’ll be fine..” Roman muttered. -I don’t wanna talk about this part but basically Remus had to convince Roman and then they convinced their father, even though there should’ve been no convincing-. He should’ve been a fucking guardian and taken care of me instead of leaving me for dead. _

“Oh, I’m so...so, sorry.” Virgil said there were tears in his eyes. Janus shrugged and rolled over to look away from Virgil. “It’s fine.” Virgil sat up. “No, it’s not!” Janus sighed, he’s lived with it his entire life. It’ll be fine.. Virgil sighed when Janus didn’t reply, didn’t move. Maybe they should just sleep it off. Virgil heard a nurse walking over so he laid back on his bed to pretend he was asleep. “You guys asleep?” The nurse asked, shining a light. She walked over to both of them, shining a light over them and walking out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An explanation:   
> Zack had full intentions of leaving me for dead. I was baggage. Why did I go into the forest? I was 6. A child who still hadn't learned that they could be independent or think of the logistics. Roman was not meaning to be rude, he didn't see the big deal of letting me die, he was also 6. You can't blame him. He apologizes every time he remembers he thought of that. Zack, is cruel. There are cruel people in the world. I just happened to meet one and tell what happened to me.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton and Roman talk  
> Logan and Remus talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ughh sorry i have writers block its short  
> also a chapter duplicated into a draft so idk if group is posted? where i talk about myself being left for dead? no? yes? I'm gonna go with...yes... Cause I saw it posted but I don't know lmao  
> so.... O-o

  
  


Patton went over to the desk that was in his room and took out the markers and paper out. Time to finish the drawing. Roman heard the markers on the paper. He sat up from his sleeping position and looked around. It was dark, but not pitch black so he was wondering why Patton was at the desk. “Patton?” Patton hummed but the hum was more of a questionable hum. “What are you doing?”

“Finishing the drawing, I stole the materials but I’ll put them back next time.” Patton _stole_ something? Wasn’t he the good kid? Had he already tainted someone? Roman hummed and looked around. He wished his room was more decorated and didn’t just have painted color circles on a white wall. But, not like he could change it. “Mmm, and done!” Patton said, throwing his hands above his head with his drawing in hand. Roman went back to a sitting position. Patton ran over and handed it to him. “Here!” Roman could see the big ass smile he had. It was breathtaking. He swore he felt his face go red. No, is this one of his dumb crushes again!? Ugh, every time he meets someone he always feels an attraction to them, with girls, it’s less but he’d never want a relationship with them, if that makes sense. He has the same feeling but he would never actually want to date them. “T-Thanks..” Roman muttered, hiding his face a bit. Patton didn’t understand why he was doing that.

Roman looked down at the picture, it was surprisingly better than all the other ones he had drawn. He was drawn as a prince and that made him happy, really happy. Dare he say it boosted his confidence. Fantasy is something the two teens had in common. They used it as an escape. A smile crept across his face. He had colored it in, yes, some of it did go out the lines which was a little bothersome but he wasn’t going to complain. “Do you like it?” Patton mumbled playing with his pajamas. (Our psych ward _made_ us change into pajamas. They wouldn't leave you alone until you did.) Roman shook his head trying to give an answer, and his heart broke at the very quiet broken sound when he shook his head. “Do I like it?” Roman asked his smile brighter than ever, “Do I like it!? I love it!” Roman yelled a little too loud and hugged Patton. He felt Patton freeze for a second, and he swore he felt his heart stop. But soon he melted into the touch hugging back, tightly. Patton loved hugs, but he was still quite scared of them. Scared that someone would touch him the wrong way. Scared that someone’s hand would venture a little too far. Scared that they’d do something.

They heard walking. Patton quickly jumped onto his bed and Roman got snuggled up ready to pretend to be asleep, he and his sibling did almost every night with their father. They both heard the door open and a flashlight turned on, so they refused to move a muscle. Granted both of them thought to play the, “Ughh you woke me up” card but they decided against it. “You guys awake?” The nighttime nurses asked. Like they’d speak. After what felt like an eternity of her staring at them she left. Roman let out a sigh and sat back up. He knew they wouldn’t yell at him for being awake, but it would be better if they didn’t. “Thank you so much Patton.” Roman smiled. He got up to hide it in one of the plants they had. Patton questioned it. “They’ll take it away because it’s paper and they don’t want us paper cutting ourselves.” Roman said, his sleeve falling a bit. Even in the dark Patton could notice the marks. He wasn’t alone. “Let’s go to bed shall we? Tomorrow we can go swimming together.”

“Oh, I can’t swim…” Patton muttered. He never liked the swimming pool anymore, that’s when it happened. Oh god, is Roman leading him to the pool to-

“Hey, Hey, it’s okay, I’m not gonna do anything,” Oh, did he say that outloud?

“You don’t have to swim if you don’t want to, but I can teach you if you want,” Patton wrapped the blanket around him. Can he really trust him? He only met him two days ago. But he’s trying to get better right? So he won’t have to be forced to come here again, to not be forced to talk to a therapist or a psychiatrist? “I’ll think about it.” He saw Roman’s shadow nod in the corner of their eye and they both drifted to sleep.

-

Logan’s tics got very bad at night until they went to bed of course. But Remus didn’t care, he found it fascinating. He’s heard of tics and Torrettes but he’s never actually had someone who had them. Logan’s tics weren’t too bad, they’d just say random things. “ _Can I have a potato?_ ” if you get the jist. " _Cedronian Vanilla?”_ Emile watched Just Add Magic not because it was a cartoon because it was a cartoon because his parents made him, he enjoyed it. So out of irony we all watched it, there are so many plot holes but now we are kind of obsessed with it, Logan was forced to watch it before he even met us so one of his tics is one of the ingredients. Also one time he almost shouted his phone number but we had to shut him up before he could say it :) Or Logan would have gestured tics as we all call them. (Pretty sure they have a name but we don’t care), some of them are just flipping them off, sometimes he has one that is a finger gun pointed to his head shooting him and he clicks his tongue. And we have a lot of physical tics. Like I said before, he has a running one. He can’t cook because we will dump whatever it be on the floor, on the counter, on a person, in the sink, in the garbage, whatever, he’s just not allowed in the kitchen. (Though now Remus forces Logan to cook with him and Remus is quite patient surprisingly,) But he has the harmful tics. Sometimes his leg just shoots up and will kick someone on accident, and there’s ones that are harmful to him.

He’ll hit himself in the psych ward and before he was never able to cut his nails because of the tics throwing the nail clipper everywhere and sometimes clamping it on himself or dangerously close to poking his eye, so his nails were sharp and he cut himself.(He did have a problem with peeling them because he got annoyed.) With knives it’s worse, sometimes he’ll punch his jaw, he’ll hit his head a little too hard. But Remus was there to help. “Do your tics stop?” Remus asks after watching him hit himself a bit. “Hmm,” Interrupted with a squeak and hit on the wall. “I mean yeah, they go to bed around when I’m about and wake up before I do.”

“Wake up? Fall asleep?”

“What happened?” The nurse asked. “Tic.” Logan answered and he hit the wall again. “Well, just try to stop okay?” Remus rolled their eyes, not like he can control it. Yes, he can tell when a tic is coming but he hasn’t figured out how to stop it because just trying to hold it back will just make it worse. 

“Yes, my tics fall asleep and wake up as I like to say.” 

“Hmm, cool! I mean not really because they suck but ee..” Remus stopped themself. Wait, he stopped themself!? Seriously, they could’ve gone for ages, also why did they have to justify what they said? Oh god, this is weird. They don’t know what to feel. But they _do_ feel their face heat up. “Nchk, you okay?” Logan asked, also being surprised at the homicidal child’s quietness. “Yes.” Logan hummed.

“Now, about you, how did you end up here?”

“Did you not hear at group?” Remus asked, laying upside down letting the blood rush to their head. “Yes, but I’m surprised that this isn’t an act you turn off.” Remus was a little hurt by that, but they'd kill someone if he ever said that. (They blurted it out, I made sure I could say it. They said sure. They doesn’t care.) “No, it’s just me!” Remus said in their usually chirpy tone. Standing on their bed they could see over most of the room and the really weird bathroom door that had no privacy. Logan’s tics seemed to have stopped, he must’ve been tired. “I’m gonna dream about demons and I having a threesome!” Remus said falling back onto their bed. They didn’t want to keep Logan up, they hate never being able to sleep. Despite warning to talk to Logan all night, they could, and they would, but thinking that Logan probably doesn’t get much sleep hurt them. They didn’t know why, perhaps they should just go to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dumbasses thinking we won't try to drown ourselves in the water. like you put homicidal and suicidal children in a pool somethings gonna happen. Rather, the homicidal kid trying to drown another kid or a suicidal child trying to drown themselves 🙄🙄😪😪 , IDIOTS


	8. Excuse You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bitch is being a bitch aka a Karen in the making
> 
> !!F-slur is used!! There is a homophobic and transphobic bitch now!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOOOH MY GOD i hate THIS part so MUCH UGH THat GIRL WAS SUCH A BITCH AHFAUIDHOWIA  
> LITERALLY  
> anytime anyone brings it up you better expect something to be broken by me or Remus.

“Guys we need to check your vitals.” Virgil squinted his eyes, the light blinding him. “Alright, alright, just get the flashlight out of my face.” Virgil sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Virgil looked over, Janus was still faced down on her bed. He huffed out a laugh. The nurse was doing her thing which Virgil never cared what they were doing, he took off his slipper kicking it into his hand. “Hey!” Virgil raised his voice to get Janus’s attention. He soon threw his slipper right after. In the psych ward(ours at least) we could choose slippers or socks. Virgil felt weird walking around in socks only to get the wet and dirty because of the floor so he chose slippers. Janus mumbled something before sitting up. “Arm.” The nurse said. Virgil put it out. He looked over, great taking blood. Virgil looked away from the needle trying not to focus on it. “Shiiiii...sheet.” Janus almost cursed but noticed the nurse. Virgil tilted his head. They had both found out they both knew ASL. Virgil only knew because he took classes and decided he’d continue to learn it just in case of emergencies. Janus knew it because she used it when her voice was out because of what would happen.  _ What happened?  _ The nurse was throwing away the needle and cleaning everything up to check Janus’s.  _ Hallucination _ .

The nurse came back and started to check Janus’s vitals. Virgil waited until she left to continue. “So?” Virgil asked. Janus shrugged, “It’s normal, just felt like my skin was burning. I’m fine.” Janus reassured. It was quite common to have taticale hallucinations. Almost as frequent as Visual hallucinations. Virgil felt uncomfortable hearing that, he couldn’t imagine what it is like living with schizophrenia. There was an ear piercing scream. It was normal. But, it sounded like someone they knew. Patton! They looked at each other and started sprinting out of the door. Janus would never admit it but the socks did keep her from slamming into the wall. “Patton, are you okay!?” Virgil asked. Patton was just crying because one of the nurses had accidently, erm, traveled a little too far to say the least. “What are you guys doing out of your units, and in your sleep wear? Back!” The nurse snarled trying to cam Patton down. Yet, him getting close only made it worse. The others glared at him and Roman motioned with his eyes that he’d take care of it. The two roommates nodded and went back to their unit.

Soon another nurse came in with the key, “Okay, Janus and Virgil what do you wanna wear?” Both of the patients wished they’d just let them take their own clothes. Virgil just pointed to the hoodie and sweatpants he had. “Oh also, you,” Another nurse pointed at Virgil. “your parents are bringing the rest of your stuff during visitation.” The male soon left after. Great. They probably went through his shit and found his stash.  _ Great _ , just great. “Minx can I have my black shirt with roses and jeans?” Janus laid back on her bed waiting for the response. Soon came the jeans and shirt being thrown at her. Janus giggled, “Thanks!” Janus had a close connection to Minx. Mostly because Janus only listened to her, Minx was just better than all the other nurses. Probably because she was one of the younger ones and did her job well without being an asshole. So during movies sometimes they’d talk before the nurses dragged her away of course. 

Janus was wearing a shoulderless(school would be so disappointed) red and black top that covered just enough that the nurses couldn’t make her change and some normal jeans. Virgil didn’t look any different, just baggy clothing to go around. 

“Breakfast everyone!” Everyone awkwardly got out of their units, well other than a few crazy kids who sprinted and inevitably ran into a kid or wall, most of the time both. That which included Remus. Ah, it’s time like these why I wonder why I love them. All the friends were at the table talking, but of course, Janus was a bit late like usual. She spends free time like these to have a quick conversation with Minx. Remus looked over seeing someone moving in the corner. “Ah! There’s my favorite sister!” Remus patted the seat next to them. Janus rolled her eyes. But she sat down anyways, there were a few other people at the table but that was fine. “I’m your only sister,” Janus always felt happy that her siblings knew her gender just by her outfit. Not that she minded them asking, it might’ve felt better because that means they care enough to ask instead of just using the wrong pronouns or none at all. But she thinks it’s because her outfits were really distinct and never in the middle. Well some were of course. Remus shrugged. “I don’t know, Prince Charming over here can be a princess sometimes.” Remus snorted. Roman made some offended noises which caused everyone to laugh in some way. “At least I have a gender.” Roman taunted.

“Hey, she stole all mine.” Remus rolled their eyes. “Also, I do have one just I don’t have one that I do have.” Remus blew a raspberry in his face. Roman made a confused face as his face crumbled. “That doesn’t- I-er-you!-What- okay.” Roman knew not to get into an argument or there would only be rage. Remus never makes sense which is why they do it. Because the other person gets mad because they aren’t making sense. They soon heard a scoff from the table. It was none of them. It was a girl with strawberry blonde hair and round glasses that looked like they were pulled out of a filter. Janus raised an eyebrow. She knows this thing. She met her on the first day and she cannot be described in words. There are 171,146 words in the english language and not one could help explain who or what she is. Janus doesn’t even know why she’s here. All she does is complain about how nobody likes her and how everyone bullies her, even though nobody does. “Ahem, you know that you’ll never be a real girl, right?” She asked. The others' eyes widened and looked at Janus. “You know, like me?” She literally grabbed her boobs.(I'M NOT EVEN JOKING AHSKDA) Janus’s smile was full of anger and pain. She was gripping her spoon so hard trying to not kill her. “Like, I know you're jealous because I have c cups and you’ll never have them but-” Janus literally stood and almost pinned her to the ground but Remus grabbed her. “No! You fucking-” Janus struggled to get out of Remus’s grip. “Oh, of course, faggots have to look out for faggots. What did you say? I don’t have a gender?” She asked in a smug tone. 

“Hah! That’s hilarious.” Remus’s eyes widened and let go of Janus. Luckily, Roman was next to both of them and had to rugby tackle them. “Stop, guys just don’t!” Roman was barely holding Remus down and Janus squirmed typing to pry Roman’s hand from his neck. The nurses told all 3 of them off for roughhousing but they explained that there was no need for it since they weren’t going to do it again. The nurses had to keep close watch on them. She kept going on about how god loves her and that’s why she was blessed with her body and life and how everyone is jealous. “Lauren.” Janus was shoving her spoon in her food and it broke. “I swear, if you want to keep your ‘perfect’ body you should shut your mouth before I do it myself.” Lauren put on a hurt expression. She quietly sobbed. Nobody paid attention. They all had finished their food, including Janus which Remus talked about non-stop about how it was such a rare occurrence. The real reason was she just wanted to get away from Lauren as quickly as possible.

-Time skip is like 15 minutes because we were just waiting for group goals-

“Okay let’s make goals for the day!” Kyle cheered enthusiastically. His tone was so fake it was sickening. “Janus, what’s yours?” Janus rolled her eyes in her mind. Of course he’d pick her, every authority will pick the children they think are not contributing, not listening, or are just bad apples. “Uh,” Janus looked to the ceiling. “Talking to...uhh- two new patients…” Janus waved her hand, still not sure herself. “Eye-contact please.” Janus rolled her head back and put on a condescending smile. “Talking to two new patients.” Kyle nodded and moved onto the next. Then the next. “Virgil?” Virgil stiffened.

“Uhh, trying something new then opting for the same solution.” Virgil shrugged. Then that child that killed the puppy. And then came Lauren. “I hope the people who’ve hurt me can make up and become friends.” Lauren wiped tears from her eyes. Janus snapped her attention to the blondey. Remus put a hand on her shoulder. “Excuse you, hurt you!? HURT YOU!? Who in the hell-” Lauren let tears fall from her face. “Well, just what you did to me hurt my feelings.” Who the hell does Lauren think she is? How is anything that happened hurting her feelings? Lauren is a pain in the ass. Always has been. “Look since I’m the only one who is going to say it, you’re an asshole. You just called me and my sibling the f-slur which you can’t use.” Lauren hid her face in her hands. Janus sighed and rolled his eyes. “How about you go outside Lauren while we finish goals, okay?”

Lauren nodded and walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss you Minx :(  
> You were my favorite :,)
> 
> "what the fuck is up kyle? no what did you say!? what the fuck dude!? step the fuck up kyle!" whenever i talked to kyle that's all i think about.
> 
> Also about Lauren.   
> Okay, I don't care if she was truly depressed she will figure it out because she apparently has god on her side. But my problem was that she kept whining and sobbing about how everyone hated her because of how much prettier she was than everyone and how everyone bullied her. And maybe just maybe if she wasn't a bitch then nobody would. but since she decides to be a bitch who uses the f-slur who was obviously straight; she mentioned how she wanted Brady to fuck her multiple times and how she almost threw up at her roommate changing in front of her, so unless she is the most closeted gay ever or she's an asshole. Let's go with asshole.
> 
> ^^TDLR; Lauren sucks ass and she is an attention whore


	9. Nice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's visitation, Virgil has a chat with his mother and father  
> Janus, Roman, and Remus have a chat with their father  
> Logan and Patton also have one with their family
> 
> And then there's swimming, something great happens to say the least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!
> 
> Abuse, f-slur again, drowning, drugs, withdrawals, "sexual tension" or sexual innuendos. Just Remus being Remus
> 
> i've re-read a lot of my chapters and I've written them all at like 1 AM so there's so many grammar mistakes I'm sorry, but I'm too embarrassed to fix them :,)  
> also plotholes. roman and remus did not find me on the fucking streets and was like we want  
> that would be illegal I'm pretty sure.  
> their dad is my step-dad always has been. my actual father is gone some where and the rest of my family is in Asia so I couldn't just get shipped over there so I was forced to stay with my step-dad

The others finally were done with the group. None of them were happy about visitation. The others were talking as they had 15 minutes before anything happened. Virgil looked over, and Janus was shaking like she was in the North Pole. Virgil looked around to see if he was seeing things but nobody else noticed. Virgil put a hand on Janus’s back trying to calm her down. But it didn’t seem to work, it only made her more scared. Remus finally noticed. “Ay! I mean seriously Jeffery Dah- oh- hey, hey what’s wrong?” All of them were in the common room but Remus jumped over to the empty seat next to Janus. Roman pushed Remus’s foot out of his face. “Jesus do you like making my blood boil?!” Roman asked. Remus blew a raspberry at him, in situations like these they didn’t have time to make a witty comeback. 

Janus put her head in her hands. Our visitations went like so, each unit would go in at a time. Sometimes they’d have to be on the phone or they’d talk in person. Janus didn’t like the idea of either.

Roman and Remus looked at each other. “Hey...Hey, it’ll be fine, we’ll be with you afterwards.” Janus shook her head. She was totally going to die if she even heard him. Virgil wasn’t too happy to see his parents either. But it was only at least 5 minutes right? Our visitations mattered how long the patient actually wanted to talk because they weren’t going to let them just sit there and do nothing. They all could handle it. Logan and Patton noticed all the others' discomfort but the others didn’t have the same problem. The problems were with themselves not their family. Well, with Patton they’re better and they haven’t acted out like that in a decade. 

“Virgil, Janus,” The nurses called. Janus sighed and stood up. Virgil followed Janus but stopped at the door. He could run for it and hopefully get sent to the quiet room. But, he needed his stuff. Damn it universe. Virgil opened the door and Janus was on the phone. Of course her father would be so neglectful that he didn’t even come here. Janus looked nervous and looked like she was about to cry. But he looked over and saw his parents. Virgil sighed and walked over to the chair near the wall. “So?” His parents looked at each other and side. Wait, where was Andy?

“Where is Andy?” Virgil echoed his thoughts. 

“Andy, didn’t want to come, plus he probably isn’t even allowed here.”

Virgil knew why Andy wasn’t here. Andy his whole life has thought that his problems weren’t valid because everything bad was happening to Virgil. Not himself, he was spoiled a lot being the younger one, he was babied even though he didn’t want to be. Even if Virgil would snitch on him somehow, him and his mother would get into a fight and Virgil ended up grounded, he ended up getting hit. Even if Andy was in the wrong, just because he was younger. Andy knew that, and the older they got the more distant Virgil and Andy were. Andy always felt like, well, he felt that made Virgil have resentment towards him. Virgil got hit and he didn't. It wasn't fair, he never got punished but Virgil did. But he was still traumatized watching it all go down. He remembers everything so clearly. That one time Virgil had to go live with his dad because his mom kicked him out of her house, it was terrifying. That one time his dad pushed him onto the stairs holding him down and beating him with a stapler, he didn’t staple him just used it to hit him. Not to mention Virgil’s last attempt. He was probably hurt right now, and he couldn’t deal with seeing him. That and Virgil and his parents are pretty sure his younger brother wouldn’t be allowed here. “Hm, Okay, can you hand me stuff and go?” His father’s expression softened. “Boo, I know we weren’t exactly the nicest but-”

“But what!? If I actually died you wouldn’t be able to kiss my ass!” Virgil raised his voice. Seriously, why does everyone think suddenly if you change your attitude it’ll make you feel better. It can make people feel like shit. “If I died, I would’ve died having hateful parents.” Virgil glared at them. Always acting like Virgil is in the wrong for acting like this. Acting like _he’s_ the one who has to change. He’s the only one who changes! Anytime anyone gets into a fight even if it doesn’t involve him, he has to change so everyone’s mood is better. They never change. “But we’ve chan-” His mother fiddled with the suitcase she was holding that was full of Virgil’s stuff. Virgil didn’t miss that.   
  


“No, maybe now, but we’ll go right back to the old days. It’s only a matter of time.” 

His father took a deep breath trying to control himself. “Neither have you apparently, still smoking drugs.” Virgil’s expression hardened. “You went through my stuff!? You don’t even have an excuse, those were in my backpack and my clothes are in my dresser!” Virgil was livid at this point. Seriously, how invasive do they have to be!? Virgil snatcthed his stuff and walked out without looking back. One of the nurses took it to his unit.

“Ayy! Virgil buddy, how’d it go?” Roman asked, awkwardly using finger guns.

“Same old kissing my ass.” Virgil flopped over on the chair on his stomach. Roman snickered. Virgil complained for weeks about how his parents suddenly just started kissing his ass. It only made Virgil irky, and none of them liked that. Janus soon came in after. Still shaken up. Virgil looked up as he felt someone sit next to him. Virgil quickly actually sat on his ass like a normal person should. “So?” Janus didn’t say anything merely looked to the side. Virgil shouldn’t have asked how it went. It was clear, when he was leaving he saw in the corner of his eye, tears running down her face. “Well it was clearly booey.” Remus stuck their tongue out at Virgil playfully. “Oh shut it.” Virgil hit Remus’s shoulder. Remus forced out a moan, “Oh, again, please!” Virgil gagged and flipped them off. Remus snickered, “Oh! Stick that fing-” Roman smacked them on the back of the head. Remus smirked and tilted their head back to look at his brother. “What, you want to give me a pain in the ass instead?”

“Remus!” Roman scolded. Jackie, again, turned a blind eye. She was disgusted by Remus, and rightfully so. Patton was obviously uncomfortable by Remus’s innuendos, but for many reasons. Roman and Patton’s names were called shortly after Remy and his roommate. “Hey! Hey! Remy, sit over here!” Remus yelled. Remus being the energetic one, they met Remy on the first day during lunch. Remy sighed but nodded as the two friends, or maybe more than friends, got up, and sat in Roman’s spot. “Yes?” Remy asked. Remy did have a bit of problems with drugs, much like Remus, he was addicted to coffee(Irl Remy was addicted to energy drinks but for the story it’ll be coffee) but soon became not enough for him. 

“Nah, I was just wondering how ya’ been!”

“I’ve been having withdrawals that’s what.” Remy rubbed his temples. “Hah! Same!”

“Mood.” Virgil said. Virgil wasn’t going through that bad of withdrawals because he wasn’t using his pens daily or fucking taking his ecstacy, usually only when he hung out with Remus.

Logan looked over. “But you have your v-”

“Shushhhhhh dorky boy not so loud, anyways I don’t have a charger so sadly I have nothing.” Remus draped his hands over his head. Logan raised an eyebrow. “You used it all that fast?” Remus looked over at him like he was insane. Virgil bursted out laughing. “You don’t know half of it!” Remus’s vape wasn’t even charged all the way because they were using it before bed and forgot to charge it. But still, Remus is literally like a fucking lion when it comes to drugs. Their father let them smoke weed in front of him because his father also smokes weed so he doesn’t care. And the house does spell like weed a lot so Roman brings his scented candles out to get rid of it while also opening the windows. “Honestly, the whole house always smells like weed, like, all the time.” Janus complained. 

“Is that a bad thing?” Remus asked.

  
  


“Hey bunny, how is it here?” Patton’s mother asked. Patton smiled softly at her. “It’s going okay.” Patton looked over her shoulder and saw Roman. His smile was wide and he quickly looked to the side. “Uhm, I made a friend.” He heard his mother gasp. He looked up and she looked so, _so_ happy. He’s never seen her that happy. “Really!?” Patton didn’t have a lot of friends, out of fear. So she was proud of him. “Who!? What does he look like!?” She bombarded him with questions. Patton was a little stunned but quickly recovered. A light blush brushed over his cheeks and he pointed at Roman who was behind her. She looked behind her and saw him. She looked over, “You really know who to pick.” She joked. Patton turned red and softly and not at all rough punched her. “Mom!” Patton squealed, still bright red as his mother continued to tease him. Roman looked over as he talked on the phone hearing the squeal, Patton looked so cute. Wait- no- wait, yes, but- er- friends can call friends cute. That’s all they are, friends. 

“Kidding, kidding, I’m so proud of you bunny.” His mother praised. Patton was holding his face trying to calm down. “Thank you,” Patton muttered. 

“Anything else that happened?”

“Erm, well I did meet some other people. Maybe you can meet them some day.” (We did, she’s very sweet ^-^) “There’s Virgil, he’s a very anxious person, there’s Janus who’s erm- is a bit broken to say the least, there’s Remus, they...Are Roman’s brother. And Logan who is very stone faced. I like to think our friend group is very even in our own problems.” Patton motioned. He looked at the time, oh, time really flies by. “Oh, I have to go, I’ll see you in a while!” Patton waved and blew kisses before walking out with Roman. Roman felt betrayed seeing Remy in his spot. “Eh, move the bean bag over.” Remus waved their hand. Of course Roman would get worked up over this. “But we can’t.” Roman countered crossing his arm and tapping his foot. “You can, what are the nurses gonna do? Drag it from under you?

“...Yeeeeeeesssss…” Roman draw-ed out hesitantly. “Eh, if they do I’ll drag the carpet from under them and see if they like having cracked skulls.” Roman sighed and complained, pulling the huge bean bag over. Patton was very reluctant but took a deep breath and asked, “Can I sit with you?” Roman tilted his head, “Uhm, of course.” Remus rolled their eyes. They’ve seen that look before, Roman has a crush. They leaned over basically laying in Virgil’s lap and whispered to Janus, “Look at the love birds.” They snickered. Janus signed _them_? Janus finally noticed and chuckled as well. “Like to share with the class?” Virgil asked, looking like he was doing the “badger badger” thing with an exasperated look on his face. Remus whispered to him and Virgil noticed. Damn, Roman is easy to read. “Okay, okay, get your ass and foot out of my face or I-” Remus smirked and sat down laying their head on Remy’s lap now. “You’ll what? Put something in my ass.” Before Remy could respond the nurse called them, “Remus, Logan.” Remy glared at Remus as Remus moon walked into the other room.

“Yess daddy-o?” Remus asked on the phone. “How is it? Heard that faggot and Roman made friends, you?” Remus wanted to scream at their father. Tell him to never call Janus that. But they kept their cool, surprisingly. “Hm, it’s good my roommate is my best friend. We balance each other out.” Remus said nonchalantly. Their father seemed a bit surprised. “Oh? How so?” Remus smiled. “Well, he’s- all you know,” Remus grumbled, “stoic I guess, and I’m all,” Remus screeched like a fucking pterodactyl. They heard Janus yelp from the other room, they were very loud if it scared her. Remus was starting to zone out and stared at Logan. Looking at Logan made them feel something very different than they’ve ever felt. It was close to how they love their family but so different and so much stronger. Oh god, don’t tell them, oh god. (Also for the record other than Roman and Patton we all didn’t notice how much we liked each other until now. Like we all basically looked at each other and were like oh shit. But never noticed so this is exaggerated to make it seem like we all knew, we didn’t.)

“So, how are your tics?” Logan’s parents asked. They got a shrug in response. “There have been more, but it’s fine.” Logan’s head twitched to the side. They nodded. “Uhm so-” Logan sighed. “Okay, look, I don’t care for any of this, I made friends, I’m under supervision and my friends are caring and aren’t harmful, okay? Everything’s fine.” There was awkward small talk from his parents which they got one word answers or a short sentence. “Oh look, time is over.” Logan walked out and Remus soon jumped on him. “Wow thanks.” 

*

“It’s swim time!” Remus jumped over the hurdle of kids just to their friends. “Cat scratches.” The nurses warned Remus. All they got was a middle finger and Remus begrudgingly shifted their shorts down a little to cover them. Virgil always had long swimsuits and his waterproof top that had long sleeves was there so if the water was too cold it would keep him warm, or that’s what his parents told him. Janus was just ready to swim. In high school she was on the swim team, how did she know how to swim? Well, before the incident happened she had swimming lessons of the basics yes it was only for two years(5,6) but Zack didn’t _always_ keep her locked up when she was younger and her siblings taught her how to swim. Patton was terrified. But Roman was there to help. And that gave him confidence. 

“Hey, Minx, if I drown, I want you to put my body outside this hellhole before my vitals drop so I don’t die in this hellhole ‘kay?” Minx laughed and gave a thumbs up to Janus.

Remus immediately jumped in and Logan just slid into the pool not even making a splash. Janus and Virgil jumped in sync. It was fun. Roman and Patton weren’t in the water yet. “It’ll be okay.” Roman promised getting in the water himself. Patton was shaking like his bones were made of glass. Patton sat down letting the water touch his feet. God, this is scary. Patton slowly got into the water and clung onto Roman like his life depended on it. Patton looked around and smiled, he was okay! Well, only because he was holding onto Roman, but still. Virgil and Janus seem to be racing and trying not to bump into others, Remus was messing around with Logan, or more so, Remus being Remus and Logan having to deal with it. “Okay, let’s start off with something simple. How about you lay on your back like a starfish.” Patton tilted his head.

“Just floating okay?” Patton hesitantly nodded, “I won’t let you drown.” Roman is making a lot of promises, he better keep to them. Patton laid on his back and Roman had his hand on Patton’s back. Patton seems to get it. “I’m going to let go, and just float for 10 seconds. I’ll be here to catch you if I must.” Roman said. Patton nodded nervous as hell. But he trusted Roman. Roman smoothly counted to ten and held Patton’s hand and guided him back to a standing position but in water.(I have no idea I haven’t swam in like- since the psych ward) “How long can you hold your breath?” Roman asked. Patton shrugged, he never thought about it. “How about we do 10 seconds again? And we just go underwater.” Patton’s eyes widened.

“Hey! Hey! It’ll be okay, hold my hand and if you need to get up, squeeze my hand twice, I’ll drag you up with me, okay?” 

Patton nodded. This was one of his only times to learn how to swim.

“Ahah! I win!” Janus laughed. “Suck it!” She laughed. Virgil rolled his eyes. But he felt his heart flutter. Her laugh was really pretty. Virgil stuck his tongue out trying to ignore his face heating up and started swimming again. Janus followed. They both watched Lauren unsuspectedly swim under Remus and Logan. Unfortunately for her but fortunately for us Remus noticed. They kicked her and knocked the air out of her, literally. She hit the bottom floor trying to grasp at it for some reason as the air pushed out her mouth and she swam up choking on water. The nurses had to rush in the pool and make sure she was okay. “Remus, we saw what happened!” The male nurse glared.

“Oops…” Remus smiled, super giddy for almost killing someone and shrugged. “Don’t make us do it again.” He threatened. Remus smiled. “Bet.” And punched him in the face. Minx noticed and laughed a little before putting on a straight face, Janus could tell she was biting back her laughter. “Remus!” Remus quickly got out of the pool and ran. The nurses chased them down once more. (Damn I look back and Remus got in trouble a lot.)

**Bonus Story from my friend who is way younger(we like to joke they're like a younger version of me because they are) who loves to tell this story:**

I almost drowned when I was learning to swim. So my swim program was like kindergarten to maybe 5th graders. But I've always been younger than everyone(so they were 4). So my dumb teacher was like a surfer dude lmao and to "graduate" to the next level we had to go on the diving board. Mind you I was 4 and very tiny and extremely scared of heights. And the deep-end was 13 feet deep. So as a child I was terrified. He told me he would catch me. And I believed him. But I was so FUCKING scared that I froze and was on the board for like 4 solid minutes. And then a girl teacher or whatever got up and literally PUSHED ME OFF and jumped with me and almost fucking broke my entire body because she almost fell on me. But she did kick me and I went even further down. And I was fucking booking it to my teacher right cause he said he would catch me. ANd HE WAS FUCKING BACKING UP AHSDKAJDNAK LIKE I KNOW IT WAS SO HE KNEW I COULD SWIM BUT I WAS DROWNING LITERALLY GASPING FOR AIR AND SWALOWING WATER LIKE JESUS CHRIST. I will never forgive him.

And now there is a height limit. 48inch, so-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ASL is super helpful for me, that's also why I took it in high school :)
> 
> I also learned CSL which was way harder than it should have been. But since all of my blood family is over in Asia I had to do it by myself. :,)
> 
> I recommend learning at least basic ASL or BSL, or whatever language you're comfortable in.


	10. Hang Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just hanging out. Usually "quiet time" is people sleeping, drawing, or just whispering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!WARNINGS!!  
> Some explicit shit is talked about, like sex toys, uhh other gross shit like colonoscopy(camera getting shoved up your ass)
> 
> I found out why I keep fucking messing up Remus's pronouns I never ever did it irl but I fucking write fanfiction for the character Remus always as he/him so my brain is fucking stupid and automatically writes it UGH Im fixing it tho :,)

“Hey, Minx?” The nurse hummed. “Can I talk to my friends, quietly of course,” Janus asked leaning against the wall as everyone else was changing. Janus always changed much quicker than everyone else because she was used to getting ready in a hurry. Minx laughed a little. “Yeah, none of the nurses care.” Minx waved her hand nonchalantly. Her nonchalant tone quickly diminished as she snapped towards someone. “Hey! You know my rules,” Minx narrowed her eyes motioning for them to come over. Janus sighed and smiled. Minx had a rule, if you have contraband and you do it when she’s not looking, it didn’t happen, if you do it in front of her she’s going to say something. “Ah, fuck, I didn’t know you were here sorry,” He apologized handing his Juul over. They were understanding because she was fair and wasn’t afraid of making confrontation with any of them, like some of the others were, even the really strict techs. Sometimes the patients even ask her, “Did you see me take a trip?” And she would shake her head, “Nope, I didn’t see it, it didn’t happen.” She wasn’t going to lose her job, because if she saw it, did nothing about it and someone knew she could lose her job but if she didn’t see it, what is she gonna do? 

“Ugh, you guys take too long!” Janus yelled to her friends. The others yelled their excuses back only getting an eye roll. “Okay! I’m here!” Virgil fixed his shirt because it was a little uncomfortable but other than that he was there. The others followed soon after which was good, she waited long enough. “Slowpokes,” Janus taunted, sticking her tongue out at them. Logan looked at her, “I think you’re just fast.” Janus smirked, “So then you are slow compared to me.” Logan opened his mouth to say something but closed it. Technically she was right but in their cases, they are going at a normal pace for themselves. Remus patted his back to show that they cared. Virgil raised an eyebrow. “What the- I thought they dragged you away.” Remus nodded “Oh, they gave me a warning.” Remus smiled. Seriously? They tried to kill someone like last time and this time they gave them a warning? Whatever we should be grateful. They all started walking. “Oh hey, I’m gonna be right back, I need to use the bathroom.” Virgil motioned and walked back. Janus was a little sad, she was always really clingy to people because she never really got to talk to anyone so if they left even for a second it was depressing. But this was different somehow. Virgil told the nurse and started going there. He saw Remy was lagging behind but gave it no mind. Well, that was until he went to go open the door but Remy yelled, “Wait!” Virgil was confused and looked over his hand hovering over the doorknob. “What?” Remy pushed him away a little which only confused Virgil even further. Remy sighed, relieved that he stopped him. “Don’t touch it.” Virgil’s brain was short-circuiting at this point. “Donavin stuck it up his ass.” Virgil sputtered out nonsense, his eyes wide and tilted his head forward. “Why would he do that?” Remy looked at Virgil unimpressed like a parent whose kid got an A- and not an A+. 

Remy sighed disappointed that he had to explain. “We all know Doni, he has anger issues and he got pissed at the techs so he shoved his pants down and well, stuck it up his ass.” (Every time I hear this story I just wonder if it feels like a buttplug- I’m _(not)_ sorry ) Virgil nodded and backed up. “The nurses ran out of disinfectant and went to go get more. So I saved you.” Remy walked away like he didn’t say a disturbing story. Virgil walked away, he didn’t _need_ to, he just wanted to waste time like usual. They both walked back and met up with the friend group. “Hey,” Janus spoke softly. “Hey yourself.” Virgil sat down on the same beanbag as Janus letting his arm hang on the back of it. Janus’s face turned a little pink and looked away. That feeling started to come back, and she didn’t know if she liked it or not. She _did_ know she liked Virgil. Virgil could say the same, he was nervous as hell sitting next to her, ready for her to kick his ass off the beanbag, but it didn't happen. “Well, the weirdest shit just happened apparently Doni stuck a doorknob up his ass.” Remus seemed invested. The others were very disgusted and it showed. Remus made a pleasurable noise which only disturbed the others further, “That must’ve been great!” Remus’s brain was filled with their normal lewd thoughts.“Eh, but all those germs.” Roman grimaced at the thought. Remus smiled wider. “Would the doctors have to inspect your asshole? Oo! What’s that thing where you stick a camera up your butthole!” Logan chimed in, “Colonoscopy.”

“Yes!” Remus practically shouted. The nurses shushed them. Remus glared at them but lowered their voice. Despite Patton being super grossed out was also extremely fatigued. He spent so much energy hyping himself up for swimming, then trying not to drown and also not to die of stress so he doesn’t drown. Patton’s eyes fluttered closed and he laid his head on Roman’s shoulder. Roman jumped and his face turned red and his eyes went as wide as dinner plates. Remus looked over in the middle of a disgusting thought and looked over to their brother. Their smile diminished but was replaced with a grin that meant shit was going to be said. “Ooo,” Remus made sure Patton was asleep. “Someone has a crush.” Remus teased. Roman glared at him. “I do not!” His voice was barely audible. Remus rolled their eyes. He totally did, he always did when he saw a cute/hot/handsome dude. Remus put their hand out, it’s what the siblings did to say that they won’t say anything. But Logan’s tic reacted and hit it. “Nice high five.” Remus laughed out not expecting his impact. Logan rolled his eyes. “Mm, well now that, that’s done, can we just have a tone downed convo my brain is melting,” Janus said, waving her hand. 

“Of course it is.” Remus snickered. Janus gave a half-hearted glare to her sibling before going back to relaxing. Virgil subconsciously played with Janus’s hair. When he noticed he was going to pull back but noticed that she didn’t care. So he continued doing it trying to quell the voice yelling at him to stop touching her because she’s uncomfortable. Remus went back to talking to Logan. “Ugh, I forgot I was going to fight Markus today, now he’ll think I’m a no show,” Remus complained and lolled their head back. “Markis as in here you can still-” Remus put their hand to stop their brother's question. “No, Markus, like, school Markus.” Remus was stuck in this stupid place. Plus, Remus is way taller than Markus! They would’ve won. Damn it! The more they thought about it the more they got mad. “Ee-, Well,” Logan ignored the tic,”when you get discharged you can go fight him again, no?” Logan asked, flipping the page of his book. While Remus was answering Logan slammed the book on his knees. “Yeah, but he’ll think I won’t show then,” Remus continued. Logan hummed and suggested, “Well, why don’t you go to _him_ instead of him coming to _you_ .” Remus’s eyes lit up. Janus barely opened her eyes and smiled softly, she had never seen Remus so inspired or happy about something someone said, that wasn’t a family member of course. “That’s so smart!” Logan smiled a little and continued to read. Remus liked Logan, they even each other out, one is super chaotic and the other is super calm. Roman gave a look to Remus. He knew what it meant even though nobody else knew. His eyes were taunting them, “ _Ooo, you have a crush too_.” Remus snarled, “Shut up.” Remus punched Roman and crossed their arms. They didn't; they've never liked anyone ever before. Well, they did but they don’t know. 

Ugh, this is confusing fuck it. Fuck everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that last part is me with everything

**Author's Note:**

> the story starts next chapter lol


End file.
